You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

All right, fleshling! Where is the second key?

I said I *HID* seven keys.

Where the first one was, that was a freebie.

Go do your own search.

I'm on to you, meatbag!

You're putting me into situations I can't use brute force,

thus making me solve problems though non-violent means!

Fine. I'm restoring your transformation and fusion cannon abilities.

Have fun butting heads with the giant I prepared for you.

Ha! Do your worst!

First Key Get!

Don't you come any closer, Megatron Senior!

I am not here to fight you, Junior Decepticons!

I am here to tell you a campfire story!

This had better be a good story!

Long, long ago... There was the great Decepticon leader, Thunderwing.

As great as he was, one thing eluded him: The defeat of Optimus Prime.

One day, the Autobots attacked and caught Thunderwing off guard.

Thunderwing found himself in a one on one battle with Optimus Prime.

Thunderwing fought with great skill and bravery, but they were not enough.

Optimus Prime punched through Thunderwing's chest, yanked out his spark

casing, and then crushed it in front of Thunderwing's eyes.

To this day, Optimus Prime haunts the existence of every Decepticon!

He comes for Decepticons in their nightmares and kills them in their sleep!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! OPTIMUS PRIME IS COMING TO GET US!!

Mine!

First Key Handicaps

You can find the Junior Decepticons guarding the first key. Just to keep things

interesting, I'm going to disable your fusion cannon and transformation.

Fine! I will crush those little twerps with my bare hands!

I'm also going to increase their strength and firepower a thousand fold.

Unicron. Summon me. Please.

If Your Erection Lasts More Than 4 Hours, Become a Pr0n Actor

Excellent, Blowpipe! Now blow him away!

You got it, Starscream!

Wait, what? Hey, come on! Stop that!

I'm just following orders, Starscream! You told me to blow him, so I'll blow him!

Whoa, whoa! That's not what I meant! I meant, kill him!

Sorry, Starscream!

It's just that I was in the Cybertronian skindustry if you catch my dick!

Tell me "Blowpipe" isn't the most pr0n name ever?

Are you sure you don't want me to suck this guy's dick?

No! Just shoot him or something!

It's just Cybertronians are always hard as steel and never go soft!

Good thing I wore my money shot resistant visor today!

I can't believe I'm saying this. I miss Megatron.

Starwave and Soundscream

What do you mean you and Optimus Prime had a pleasant conversation?

He and I think many of the same things.

We both want Cybertron to be prosperous again.

We both think you're an incompetent coward unfit to be leader.

You're supposed to come to my defense, not agree with him!

I came to your defense from what he said next.

He said you eat shit sandwiches and howl at the moon.

...and what did you say in my defense?

I told him you don't like bread.

Willing to be Reprogrammed

Tell me, Soundwave. Why is Starscream your leader?

He doesn't have any leadership abilities and there are literally

dozens of Decepticons who would be a far better leader than him.

Before I answer, I have a question of my own. Is this your

attempt to make me question Starscream's leadership abilities

so I will undermine everything he says and does in future?

Yes.

It worked. Keep talking!

Sound of Yo' Mama Making Waves

Optimus Prime! I hereby challenge you to a maternal unit fight!

Um... OK. Did you overthrow Starscream

and become the new Decepticon leader?

Negative. Starscream gave me a specific order to challenge you.

Very well, then. Bring it on!

Your maternal unit is so promiscuous,

her USB ports are clogged!

...

Is this Starscream's idea of a suicide mission?

Affirmative!