Help Finding a Date 2

Hey! Asshole! I went through some trouble finding you a date! Why the hell did you beat her up?

Girl did things! Made me uncomfortable!

What did she do?

She tried to touch my cock!

Help Finding a Date 1

You! Pretty lady! Me have question!

Uh... O... K... Ask away.

What exactly about homeless, penniless generic karate man pretty lady find so attractive?

He's not homeless nor penniless. He lives with me and he's financially responsible.

Why the hell do you want to know why I find him attractive?

Me lonely and want to find date! Me have trouble finding one!

Me want info on how hobo man hooked up with pretty lady!
Me use info to find date!

If you can promise not to kill her, I can think of someone who might be interested.

Ha! Me so unattractive, how pretty lady find date for me?

Challenge accepted!

Some time later...

How to Avoid STDs

You're cute! Let's go to a love hotel!

Some sap in a tuxedo will pay for it!

Thanks for the offer but... no thank you.

What's wrong with you? Are you gay or something?

Uh... yyyyyyes. I'm gay so I don't want to have sex with you.

Liar! You're just a spineless wimp! I know you have a girlfriend!

I'll bet you barely got to first base with her and you're still a virgin!

I'd rather remain a virgin than to have sex with you.

How She Makes Enemies XV

So what do you tell your husband after you betray him and some random guy knocks you up?

Bitch, please! Those don't count as betrayals because

I take my wedding ring off before I have sex!

How She Makes Enemies XIV

*SLAP*

 Bitch! That hurt! What the hell is your problem?

I'm sure you've heard this plenty of times: You slept with my boyfriend.

Talk about holding a grudge! That was ancient history!

That was like five... days ago! Get over it!

Fellatio Depends on the Fella

So you're back from the dead as well. While I'm happy for you,

at this point, I want nothing to do with you. You can suck my dick.

 Suck my dick like it cures STDs!

Suck my dick like it's the morning after pill!!

Suck my dick like you're the star of some animated Japanese show!

 Suck my dick like you're an idol singer and I'm the producer!

SUCK MY DICK UNTIL ALL YOU TASTE IS MAN MEAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Enough with the foreplay already, you tease! Take your pants off!